my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
