Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
