she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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