hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You pole danced in your parka.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
