The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize