that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just googled if crying burns calories
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
be right there i have to get my cape
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
