The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
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No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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