I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
