This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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