I bet he comes in French.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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