Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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