Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
