i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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