i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize