My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
