Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
