i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i out mim tonsoeep
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
