pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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