you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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