Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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