I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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