8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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