So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
