Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
