Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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