dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I CAN MOONWALK!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
