The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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