sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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