Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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