When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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