Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
