So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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