I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
