i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
