I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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