I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
