Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
