Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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