Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
