I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
