Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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