I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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