After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
