just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
