Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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