I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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