We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
