Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
