guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize