Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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