Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
