Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
