My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
