Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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