She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
