I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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