Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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