Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
