i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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