Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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