I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
