Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
