just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
