Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
