I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
