how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
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We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
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I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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