I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
