I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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