Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
